Feeling appreciated buffers unequal household labour

The finding

The paper opens by acknowledging a long-established research finding: unequal and unfair household labour is linked to relationship distress, and over time, to relationship breakdown. Gordon and colleagues tested this across three samples of cohabiting partners in the US and Canada during the early COVID-19 pandemic, including 476 couples, with two samples tracked over six and nine months.

The contribution of the study is the buffer. People who reported doing more of the household labour and who perceived the division as more unfair were less satisfied across the early weeks and ensuing months of the pandemic, but those negative effects disappeared when people felt appreciated by their partners. Feeling appreciated also appeared to buffer against the negative effects of doing less, suggesting that appreciation may offset the relational costs of unequal division regardless of who contributes more. The pattern generalised across gender, employment status, age, socioeconomic status, and relationship length.

The buffer is not unlimited. The research does not say appreciation makes unfair labour fair, or that gratitude can stand in for redistribution. It says that within the range studied, feeling seen and valued by a partner softened the link between unequal labour and lower satisfaction. The implication is that two things matter side by side: how the work is divided, and whether the partner doing the work feels the partner who is not is aware of it.

This nuance is useful because it points at where conversations can go that are not only about the split. If appreciation matters and appreciation requires that the work be visible, then anything that makes the work more visible can change what is possible in the relationship.

What this looks like in real households

The exhaustion of running the household often does not get acknowledged because the people around the person doing it do not realise it is happening. The work was invisible going in, so it is invisible coming out. When one partner finally says they are stretched, the other partner is often surprised, because most of what was being held was held silently.

How a shared system changes the picture

Hermo gives both partners the same view of the upcoming week, the shared list, and the things that have been caught and resolved. The work that one partner had been doing silently becomes work the other partner can see. Appreciation has a much easier time when there is something specific to appreciate. Hermo does not create appreciation; people do. What Hermo can do is make sure the work people are doing is not invisible to the partner they live with.

Citation

Authors

Gordon, A. M., Cross, E., Ascigil, E., Balzarini, R., Luerssen, A., & Muise, A.

Year

2022

Journal

Psychological Science

Sample

Three samples of cohabiting partners in the US and Canada during the COVID-19 pandemic (N = 2,193, including 476 couples), with two samples tracked over six and nine months

Gordon, A. M., Cross, E., Ascigil, E., Balzarini, R., Luerssen, A., & Muise, A. (2022). Feeling Appreciated Buffers Against the Negative Effects of Unequal Division of Household Labor on Relationship Satisfaction. Psychological Science. Read the paper: https://doi.org/10.1177/09567976221081872.

Frequently asked questions

What did Gordon’s 2022 study find?

Across three samples of cohabiting partners in the US and Canada (N = 2,193, including 476 couples), feeling appreciated by a partner buffered the negative effects of an unequal household labour division on relationship satisfaction. The negative effects of unequal division disappeared when people felt appreciated. The pattern generalised across gender, employment status, age, socioeconomic status, and relationship length.

Does appreciation fix unequal household labour?

No. The research describes a buffer, not a fix. Appreciation softens the link between inequality and lower satisfaction; it does not make the inequality go away. The paper is consistent with the broader literature that unequal and unfair household labour remains linked to relationship distress over time.

Why does appreciation matter so much?

Household work, especially the cognitive side, is often invisible. When the work is invisible, the partner not doing it has nothing concrete to appreciate. Appreciation is partly a function of awareness. The research suggests that awareness, expressed as appreciation, has its own effect on how the relationship feels.

How can a partner show appreciation for invisible work?

The first step is to know what is being held. That requires the work to become visible somehow, whether through a conversation, a shared list, or a system both partners can see. Naming specific things is more useful than general thanks; specificity signals that the work was noticed, not assumed.

How does Hermo connect to this?

Hermo puts the household calendar, the shared list, and upcoming events into a view both partners see in WhatsApp. The work that one partner has been doing silently shows up where the other can see it. Appreciation cannot be manufactured by software, but the visibility that appreciation needs is something Hermo can provide.